Hellooo again!
For some reason when I do my spell check the ENTIRE second half of this epic appears to have no spelling mistakes.....now we all know, with me, that's highly, highly unlikely...more like an impossibility, so sorry in advance.
Well I can't actually believe this, my last day in India. Less than 3 weeks ago I was wondering why people would ever want to come back to this country and now I quite honestly don't want to leave, and will definitely, definitely be coming back! Its taken me 5 days to finish this blog, but I have absolutely loved writing every second of it so its been well worth it.
I arrived in Rishekesh last Thursday and it is truly a breathtakingly, beautiful city. The city is separated into two main parts Lakshman Jhula and Swag Ashram, joined by two walking only bridges across the Ganges. The entire city is surrounded by mountains and as I mentioned earlier; "it is the self styled Yoga Capital of the world, " with masses of ashrams, meditation centres and temples. I have never seen the Ganges flowing as strongly as it does here and as per usual there are loads of Ghats were you can watch people swimming, washing or just "hanging out by the holy river! The streets are small with chanting and music continuously echoing through the town. It is beautiful!
I have to admit....its taken almost 6 weeks but I am almost completely in the swing of things now. I know this feeling well......every summer holiday I have had over the last 5 or so years its happened. Just as I am finally settling into the traveling life style I then need to leave and get back to the real world. I am absolutely delighted that for once, this is not the case.
I completely surprised myself on the way over here by actually deciding 'not' to go to Lakshman Jhula.....the place recommended as a 'travelers' hot spot. I actually think I have gotten used to not being surrounded by travelers all the time and for my last week I simply wanted to be alone. I know for a fact there will be no shortage of travelers in Loas...so might as well make the most of my down time while I can!
One of my all time favorite books is a book by Elizabeth Gilbert called Eat, Pray ,love.
( Its currently out on Film starring Julia Roberts....one of my all time favorite actresses...how cool is that;-) Its a true story written by a woman,in her 30's, who after a messy divorce, decides to go traveling for a year to Italy, India and Bali. (The fact that while she does all this, she happens to meet her soul mate and live happily ever after...has absolutely NO bearing on my Love for this book. ;-)
Anyway so thus came my inspiration for coming to India and staying in an Ashram....I just absoltely loved her writing about her experiences, her struggle to quieten her ever churning mind and especially the self discipline she seemed to gain, from what to many of us in the western world, would seem like tireless and repetitive rituals of meditation.
So yes I came to Rishekesh with one purpose in mind: to finally find an ashram and spend some time, practicing yoga, meditating, eating healthy food and to just immerse myself in the the general spiritual vibe!
(For those of you that don't already know, all religions fascinate me. I could easily spend hours in discussion on the topic and I have read loads of books written by authors of various faiths. I truly believe that too much time is spent focusing on the differences of various religions, without looking at the similarities in most of them. The underlying principles taught by Jesus, the Buddha, Guru Nanak, Lord Krishna were Love, acceptance and tolerance. All things that are sadly lacking from our world today. I strongly believe that when we look for them, we can find truly noble and good elements in all religions and learning about them, enables us to lead richer and fuller lives!)
So Friday I set off Ashram hunting! Unfortunately I have to admit my day was not much of a success. As I have already mentioned most of the Ashrams are simply lodging at the moment with no yoga teachers and no mediation classes. Next month will be the beginning of the tourist season when everything gets back into full swing! I did however manage to find one Ashram that had lodgings, meditation classes and English lectures. The Ashram itself was called Sri Ved Niketan. The Ashram is situated on the bank of the Ganges with a large, all be it run down garden in the middle. Things were looking up! That is until I saw the room. Now I'm not one to complain...:-) BUT lets just say....it was heartrendingly pitiful. The room itself had a basic cemented and mildly dirty shower room, toilet room and another small room that looked like....well...I can only assume it was some sort of gas chamber! ? All of that I could have dealt with ok, but it was the bed that was the absolute killer. No sheets, no pillow cases...just a grimy looking pillow and mattress, that looked like they had never been washed.
In the second that I saw the bed it was like a million voices started chanting in my head and all they said was: "Bed Bugs, Lice, Run!"
So I left and took myself back to my lovely, clean, cheap hotel (with TV) to contemplate my next move.
Now its important at this stage to explain something about myself that a couple of my friends and family will already know. You see....... I'm not perfect! Yes its true...mum and dad I'm sorry to shatter any illusions you might have held onto about having ONE perfect child!;-)
No, you see, I seem to be inflicted with a tragic ailment that one might call "emotional colour blindness"! Let me explain.
In a world of beautiful, varying, colorful, "life choices" I unfortunately only see two colours, black and white. For example: In my head when presented with a decision there will unfortunately always, and only, be two answers to every equation. Right or completely and utterly wrong! So yes instead of going with the flow and seeing where different roads take me....I seem to find myself perpetually sitting at the corner of a cross road worrying and fretting about whether or not this particular decision (no matter how completely and utterly insignificant it may be ) is THE RIGHT one, or the WRONG one! Mind you I have to admit I have managed to hide this flaw pretty dam well over the 30 odd years and I don't think I have allowed it to stop me living my life to the fullest.....but bloody hell its hard work sometimes.;-)
So here in lies the most recent dilemma in a poor emotionally colour blind (ECB) person (namely me) life:
White: I am going to come to India, find an Ashram, experience what it's like and leave India a better, calmer, ultimately more centred person who truly knows herself.
Black: If I don't find an Ashram then I have failed in my mission, have missed the whole point of coming to India and will be a complete failure! Never been able to say: "Oh yes I stayed in an Ashram in India!" The sheer horror!!
See black and white!!
and thus is where my contemplation began.....
I desperately wanted to stay in an Ashram, but I also desperately didn't want to stay in that particular one! After being so sick so many times in India, I have begun to absolutely relish my health and the fear of catching something was nauseatingly over whelming, and yet so was the fear of not at least having the guts to try!
(I'm mean surely that's what ashrams are like.....other people manage and survive, don't they? )
(Now I know some of you are wondering how on earth I have managed to survive my life, up to the ripe old age of 34 (uuuhhmmm) with this handicap. But rest assure there are indeed many techniques one can master to over come such afflictions. (Just for the record: As a qualified life coach, who is paid to support people make difficult decisions in their lives, I am by no means advocating these as viable methods for self improvement- but here they are never the less....
First and foremost one must constantly surround ones self with wise and clever friends. The more friends you have the better it works, as the the net is spread wide preventing friends from figuring out your cunning plan. (although that said, the wisest ones ussually do;-)
Now when life throws you a dilemma that you simply couldn't possibly solve all by yourself....you simply pick up the phone and find out what your intelligent friends think. All you need to do is phone 3 people and then you go with the majority ....problem solved!:-) Now if by some small chance your friends don't actually agree with you (because essentially , lets face it, we all know whats best for ourselves) , you disregard their opinion and phone more friends (ones that you are pretty sure will agree with you) until you get the favorable majority. And thus many of life problems can be solved without actually having to make up your own mind EVER! Its Pure Gayle Genius-ism at its best!
The problem of course, arises when you are thousands of miles away with no phone and no friends to do your thinking for you!
What to do? What to do?
After a restless night of deep thinking I eventually decided that I would simply give the meditation and yoga classes at the ashram a go and see what I thought!
If they were good....then that would be my 'sign' from God that I should go there, if they were bad then that would also be my sign from God. (Yes sadly another side affect of ECB would be...manic sign scrutinization and interpretation. When one can't make up ones own mind, one simply looks for the signs from God - so essentially he will make the decision for you!! Needless to say this technique is fraught with difficulties as you will no doubt soon discover.
So bright and early sat morning I set off for my first Meditation class. The yoga teacher there was a middle aged man called Hari Baba who I absolutely LOVED!
His class was brilliant, easy to understand and the best part was his face. I don't ever think I have ever seen a person shining with so much joy, happiness and love for everyone all the time. AS far as I'm concerned, again this is personal opinion and not aimed at insulting any incessantly grumpy people out there....the best way to show Gods love is through your actions, how you live your life, how you treat people and what shines through your face! God = happiness!
Sign 1: Loved meditation therefore I should move into Ashram!:-)
Next was the Yoga class: Mmmmmmmmmm.....(Lets just say it suddenly dawn on me why people always say : You should find the yoga style that suits you! ) It was the longest, most painfully boring 2 hours of my life. I hated ever second if it- Yes I did. It felt like he held every moved for hours and every inch of my unfit body was crying!
I couldn't help but compare it to the class that I had taken the night before at my lovely clean, Raj Palace Hotel (with TV). I had walked out of the class sweating and aching but had enjoyed it tremendously.
Sign 2: Hated yoga class so shouldn't go stay in Ashram? ;-(
After the class a really sweet old man called Agrwal, (I had met the day before)asked me if I wanted to come for some tea in his room. I had been speaking to a Dutch girl earlier so I dragged her with me. Needless to say old man was suitably over whelmed to have two young ladies in his room and not just one...and proceeded to then hug both of us for a considerably long time. Hug was then followed by; the taking of the face and planting two big slow kisses on either side of our lips. Reassured myself that this was spiritual man in Ashram...that he was harmless and that this was just how things were done. Bless he hardly spoke any English...and most of his conversation consisted of him telling us, over and over again how happy he was that we where having tea with him. He was genuinely very sweet, so it didn't really bother me that, while he was talking, he sat with his hand right on the top of my thigh...about 2cm away from bikini area to be exact. In fairness it was placed there so naturally, while he listen earnestly to what we were saying, that I didn't give it much thought!
I came away thinking he was a lovely,charming little man...who is no doubt completely harmless but maybe just a little too touchy feely for my comfort!
I then set off to go to a lecture given by ....lets call him Swami D ( Seeing as I am now border lining on Gossiping I have chosen to leave out names in my blog , so as to deter before mentioned 'bad karma')
I was a bit late when I walked in and Swami D seemed mildly uninterested in my existence, as all the other students had apparently been coming to the class for the whole week. I listened with my resistance up for about an hour at which point the swami went totally off the topic of his lecture and I was mesmerized. Here was a man who truly knew loads of things about everything, he had little stories, antidotes from various different faiths and his English was excellent. I truly felt this was someone I could have 'deep and meaningful' conversations with and I was incredibly excited!
Sign 3 : A good swami with loads to learn from - This is what I should be looking for. I should DEFINITELY come to this ashram!!
After his 3 hour lecture...I went up to him to thank him and ask him where I could leave my donation.
His sullen answer was: You come on Monday, I will see how dedicated you are, and then we will talk about how much you will donate! I was also told NOT to give anyone else the money as it needed to come directly to him....not the ashram.
" UM what? " Since when is a donation up for discussion?
do·na·tion
1 : the making of an esp. charitable gift
and ....ummmm since when is it up to a 'man of God' to decide how dedicated I was?
A little confused by his comment I went to speak to some of the other students, to gain some clarification as to how much exactly this 'donation' would cost.
I was told that he had said the amount should simply be 'respectful'.
And what pray tell, would a respectful amount be to a holy man of God? Apparently the minimum for the lectures and his morning meditation class for a whole week would be RS1000, but, money wasn't an issue for him and I should go and speak to him about what I could afford. They also added that they gave him a lot more than a RS1000 anyway because he was ....that great.....
Mmmmm interesting....
I walked away doing the maths...In the big scheme of things RS 1000 (about 15 pounds) for the entire week was nothing....Hell you would never get all of that in London.......How could I fault someone for simply trying to make a living? BUT this is not London, and I couldn't get past the fact that here was a man of God (sorry a Swami; definition = "swami is a monk, one who has set aside all of the limited, worldly pursuits, so as to devote full time effort to the direct experience of the highest spiritual realization, and to the service of others along those lines.) asking for money for his services.)
So many people, on the way up here, have warned me that a lot of the ashrams in Rishekesh are run like businesses simply to make money. I also worked out that if this man had, mmmmmmm say only 5 students a week....(there were 8 in the class)...and they all paid the minimum RS1000 then he was averaging RS20 000 a month when the average salary in India is RS 10 000 - RS15 000 a month.
And so I went to lunch with a whole NEW decision to make, (even before I could make the original one!) To trust or not to trust Good old Swami D? Or more notably:
Is it wrong to gain 'pure' knowledge from someone who you ethically don't agree with? Does the end, justify the means?
It was at lunch that I saw a very sweet German girl who had been in his lecture and I sat down to speak to her. She had known Swami D for 6 years...this was her 3rd time back to Rishikesh and, yes he was good man that could be trusted. She also filled me in on all the gossip of the Ashram, that goes like this:
Apparently the original owner of the Ashram was a man called Vishwa Guru. When he died a couple of years ago he had left the entire Ashram to Swami D, who has been working at this Ashram for over 25 years now. It was soon after Vishwa Guru's death however, that his long lost Grandson turned up to staked his claim on the Ashram. Not really a man with much interest in God he now runs the ashram simply as a means to make money. And this is how we find it today, two groups of people at war over who actually owns it and how it should be run! Hence the reason for Swami collecting his own money. When she explained it all this way it made a little more sense....and she reiterated that if I couldn't afford the payment then I should just talk to him and he would be fine with that. She said he always took time to warm to people but that he was an incredible man to speak to with loads of knowledge.
Sign3: What are the odds that German girl was in the SAME restaurant as me...it was definitely a sign.....German girl said I could trust him....so there we go I could trust him!!!
So I left lunch, mildly elated that 2/3 of the signs said I should go and stay in the Ashram on Monday!
Of course while all the signs wee pointing towards Ashram stay needless to say I was still dreading the move into my new room.
That night I went to go and try and find Van Prastha Ashram where mildly over-feely spiritual man had told me Hari Baba would be doing his evening meditation class. Argwal had told me to come back to his room at 5 so that he could walk me there.....but needless to say I made an 'actual rational decision' that I did not like enjoy being touched in said manner, spiritual man or not, so would attempt to find the meditation course myself!
It was absolutely bucketing down with rain ......(but finally I had bought an umbrella!) I found the the large Ashram...one that unfriendly security guard had very rudely denied me entrance into the that morning. ( I later discovered that its a 'non-white ashram'....I think we have a word for that sort of intolerance don't we?;-) (ps I have since taken much joy this week in smiling sweetly at above mentioned security guard when leaving and entering)
And after much wondering around I eventually found the class but it wasn't actually a meditation class it was more like a Hindu praise and worship. Its really a funny thing, but growing up in a Christian country, like SA, I just some how assumed that praise and worship was just something "Christians" did....during my time in India I have come across numerous gatherings where Hindu people will sing, dance, clap....in exactly the same way.
Anyway there he was sitting in the front of the class, face beaming with love, singing away, while leading with loads of little hand actions. It was just so cute to watch. He would sing a line and then the group would follow. After a while I started joining in.....making up words left, right and centre as I went along. (see Kelly my bad lipsynching has finally paid off)
After the group ended I was told that they also met the next morning at 6.15am
Sunday morning my second last night in lovely, clean raj Palace hotel room (with TV) I woke up only to find the biggest cockroach ever, plus 5 little baby ones all congregating in my coffee cup on the floor. Now to you...this might be a mere triviality.....but to me.....it was A sign!!!! A warning maybe? If such vile things were in lovely, clean Raj Hotel Palace hotel room (with TV) then what the hell would be lurking, waiting for me in my horribly, unclean ashram.....?
Definitely gave me something to think about....Everything happens for a reason you know!!!!:-)
So where was I ? Oh yeh...6.00am I managed to drag myself out of bed (flush the horrible little creatures down the toilet) and joined in what was actually a meditation class in Hindi. (also thoroughly enjoyed) After the class ended Hari Baba and I walked to his next Meditation class at the Sri Ved Niketan Ashram where I had first met him. I did that class as well and at 9am....we left the ashram together. He was walking home...I had no where else to go, and somehow ended up simply following the poor man all the way back to his house.....if he found it strange that tall, white girl was just tagging along, (looking around randomly at various things while he chatted to people)...he never showed it.
Once we reached his house he offered me something to drink and thinking that he would make Chai tea, as most people did I said yes. He then proceeded to take three classes, and make three drinks using spices, powders and water! I was horrified to realise that I would now have to drink plain tap water. RULE NO 1 for foreigner when travelling India : Don't drink tap water! But what could I say...he had already started making them and he was very excited for me to try them and tell him which was the best. So when he finished mixing them I said a prayer and gave them all a taste.
Glass 1 tasted like curried water.
Glass two tasted like mildly different curried water.
Glass 2 tasted like: Slightly stronger curried water.
It was at this point that I had to apologize and tell him I didn't like any of them.
He then said eagerly : "Wait we mix them all together and then you try."
(uuhm....ok, I had serious doubts that mixing 3 classes of curried water together would taste like anything else, other than curried water.....but I tried it non the less)
Apologizing again for rejecting his drink, he didn't seem to fussed and said he would drink it later! We then started chatting about how hard it is to find the right meditation and classes in Rishekesh (yes I initiated that conversation...I needed guidance dammit!) and his comment was simple:
"There are many men here that want to take money from you , just because you are white. You must be very careful. Remember that no true Swammi will ever ask you for money. Any one that asks you for money you must be very careful of."
ME: So you dont take money for your classes..?
Hari Baba: Never. I have no need for money
ME: But if you dont take any money how do you survive.
Hari Baba: God provideds for me always. Everything I need to live comes to me. ( I later discovered that he does get a small pension from his Ashram.....but that would probably just cover his food)
We also spoke about my frustration at never knowing when or who to give too in India, and again he said..."There are a lot of people that need help in India....never give money to people that ask you. You will know when it is right to give by simply trusting your heart. If it feels right you will give, if it doesn't then dont."
It was at this point that I told him about lost Goa boy in Hardiwar as my evidence of when giving feels good...only to have Hari Baba shake his head and start laughing.
"There are many people that do that scam, they simply have 'glistening' (not sure what he meant by that) to make tears. You were scammed!"
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!!
He however found it incredibly funny, so Im glad he got some enjoyment out of it!;-)
Later that evening when I came to his chanting class he was still having a good laugh and seemed to enjoy telling all his friends and teasing me about it!
My final and last sign......Hari Baba reflected back exactly what I was thinking and I couldn't in good conscience go to a class of someone whose main interest was money.....ethics didn't matter if he was teaching 'history' 'maths' or any other subject, but it mattered with religion.
Was ever so proud of myself for making serious bonafide decision ALL by myself ....lol except of course for all my signs:-)
So no class, meant no ashram either! ( Thank you God)
But just because I wasn't staying in an ashram didn't mean I wasn't a serious 'spiritual' student ...so I devised a plan for the whole week and this is how it went:
Firstly I would book out of my lovely, clean Raj Hotel Palace room (with TV)and move into the also clean, but smaller and much cheaper, TV-less room downstairs, because as we have all already learnt: TV rots your soul!;-)
Then for the next week I would do the following:
6.15am Hindu meditation at Van Prastha Ashram
7.30am English meditation at Sri Ved Niketan Ashram
8.30am Run back to hotel for Yoga class
4.00am - 5.30 Would attend meditation course the Hari Baba was running at his Ashram
5.30am Attend Hindo chanting at banrif Ashram also with Hari Baba.
I had a plan, I felt motivated....all my thinking and worrying had paid of.
So Sunday night I settled down to watch disgustingly, girlish Chick flick that I had been looking forward to for the last 3 days. My reward for coming up with my plan! I was well stoked! (that means happy...for some of the oldies reading this:-)
20 minutes before the movie ended all the electricity cut off (happens alot here)
Spent the next 20 minutes pleading with God to PLEASE turn the electricy back on because this was my reward and he was ruining it! Needless to say he didn't listen...so eventually went to bed to get a good nights sleep....because I had a plan!!!
3.30am I wake up with what can only be described as tiny little pieces of glass in my eye...stumbled out of bed, switched on light and there staring back at me is big, red, gungy eye. Groaned "Whhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyy?", and got back into bed. When the alarm clock went at 5.45..there was just no way in hell I was going to wake up then. The doctors wouldn't be open till about 9am which meant 3 hours of unecessary pain. So my lovely, strategically planned plan, unfortunately had to be put on hold!
At about 8.30 I head off to the Shivananda Ashram where they have a medical centre. ( this is also one of the most popular Ashrams in the Rishekesh hence you need to book 3 months in advance) Anyway, lets just say I have new found respect for our medical systems.....there was a massive long queue of people with all sorts of ailments having to simply just stand and wait. I stood for about 10 minutes in the line and it did not move an inche. I then pretty much got ushed through to the front of the queue due to the fact that Im a foreigner. (Neurotic angel was a having a field day telling me how I should wait like the rest of them, I however chose to ignore her as I was in pain and just wanted to go home) In India they have an old Hindu proverb which basically means: "The guest is God" ...hence the reason they are all so keen to always help foreigners.
So I got drops and ointment and discovered that "eye- flu" is fairly common during monsoon time" While I was there I got the time table for the Ashrams daily activities, including a lecture in the evening which were all free!!!! So was very happy to have found a replacement lecture in 'Legit' Ashram and added it to my plan.
Couldn't really do much that day, other than go to the afternoon mediation and singing...so worked on my blog. Tomorrow my eye would be better and the plan would commense.
Tuesday morning I woke up with my alarm at 5.45..... with TWO eyes COMPLETELY swollen and glued together with OOSY GUNK. I looked like Fiona from Shrek, and although my brother Bruce seemed to think this would make a funny picture- believe me it wasn't!!!
Turned of the alarm and went back to bed.
I spent pretty much most of the day with my sunglasses on. I managed to go to the morning meditation at 7.30...and as Hari Baba and I left the ashram on our little walk home, he saw me paying for his class. He was very upset and said that I shouldn't be paying! His class was free. I tried to explain that the Ashram had told me when I first asked on Monday that I had to pay! But no, he was not happy. He re-iterated the fact that he HAD told me no one pays for his classes! Trying to make him understand that I was only doing what I was told to do didn't work either, so yes, I felt like a mildly chastised child! But, never the less it made me smile, even "holy men" can have their buttons pushed!
That evening I decided to go and give the lecture at the Shivananda Ashram a try.
I had just walked into the massive hall when who should I bump in to but a foreigner....a gorgeous one at the that. ( Mental Prayer: God why do you always send the good looking ones after, or during illness?)
It was raining again so I couldn't hide under the disguise of my sunglasses any more....so I stood chatting to Geoff from Chicargo, (who was 'actually' staying in Ashram) the whole time desperately praying that Icky-Gungy puss was no longer seeping out of my eyes, as had been doing the whole day. I lasted about 4 minutes into the conversation and then just had to put sunglases on. ( because clearly sitting in the dark, in the rain with sunglasses on was less embarrassing than huge,puffy infected eyes) Was suitably gutted when lecture started and I realised that women and men had to sit separately in the temple. Dam! But never the less was in REAL ashram, with real 'Ashram' people so would get over the disappointment.
The 2 hour lecture that I was really looking forward to started with some chanting done by monks....which lasted 45 minutes. Now dont get me wrong, I LOVE chanting....but what I really couln't get used to was the really, really hard floor. (In Hari baba's little room he has lovely pillows everywhere! How I wished I had a pillow!) MY bum ached. The entire 45 mintues I kept trying to get comfortable, all the time reminding myself to: "PULL it together Gayle...You are in a REAL ashram now, with REAL'Ashram' people...Bite through the pain!!!!"
BY the time the 45 minutes was up my back was also killing me and I was seriously considering just doing a runner.( After all didn't Hari Baba say if you did something you should do it with an open heart???) My heart at that moment was directly linked to my arse and my back that were both in pain and miserable. But if I did a runner.....what about cute man Geoff? I wouldn't get to chat to him afterwards....(Angel: "Gayle that is soooooooooooo not the reason you are here, focus dammit!")I had just about given up fighting with myself and had decided to leave as soon as the introduction speech for the lecturer had ended.
The introduction speach went like this:
"Welcome to our beautiful Ashram, all are most greatly welcome here. May the undesirables remove themselves or be removed by the ashram....."
You have got to be kidding me God!!!! How the hell could I leave after that statement?! ( let it never be said that God doesn't have a sense of humour!)
And so I sat for another hour listening to a lecture that I could barely understand, the whole time wondering why on earth all the Monks got to sit on lovely soft mattresses and I didn't even warrant a meager cushion??? Intermittently,of course, peering around the room wondering where cute man Geoff was sitting.
Now it was during this painful, painful hour that I eventually began to see the hilarity of this whole BLOODY situation.
Here I was doing exactly what I had wanted, in real 'BONIFIED' ashram, with calm, centred people (who knew all the words to the chants!) and....AND.... I was completely miserable! And on top of that I was still sitting there, simply because I didn't want to look like an "undesirable"
Heaven forbid this 'WHOLE' room of strangers, who I will probably never see again think that I am an undesirable!
Dont get me wrong, as much as I hated it, I still believe that the whole 'Ashram experience' can be incredibly powerful, but lets face it, it takes time to learn self discipline and patience ... Elizabeth Gilbert spent 4 months in an Ashram....thats 120 days (and for over a month of that time, she herself hated it) AND yet I had hope to achieve, all she had done in ONE week? Did I really think one week would be enough to banish the many voices that recide inside my head ( For the record: In Life Coaching we call these voices 'Gremlins', and we all have them in some form or another...some of us are just more skilled at ignoring the buggers! ;-)
I had spent so much time worrying and planning my ashram week, and in 7 days I was going to achieve what exactly? Develop self discipline! Attain inner peace! Ooze calmness, Conquer 35 years of bad eating habits, build a stronger (and significantly more waif like) body AAAAAAANNNNNDDDDDDDD dont forget find God?
and where exactly was I going to find him....?
It's funny....last night I opened my book Autobiography of a Yogi (by Paramhansa Yogananda) that I haven't touched for weeks. I was exactly on the place where he finally gets to the Himalayas.....somewhere he has always wanted to go to....ever since he was child. Half of the book he has spent talking about his deep desire to go to the Himalayas to achieve: "continuous divine communion with God"
It was here after a horrendously hard and tireless journey that he eventually came face to face with another great yogi known as the 'sleepless saint'
After much discussion on why he had actually come there the Sleepless Saint ends up asking Paramhansa
"At home, are you able to have little room where you can close the door and be alone?
"Yes" Paramhansa answered
"Well That is your cave, that is your sacred mountain. That is were you will find the kingdom of God!"
Wise words I think! I have already started the journey of a life with God and it didn't start a month ago when I came to India.
So thus brings me to almost the end of my week in Rishekesh, and my 6 weeks in India. No I didn't stick to all my plans, (neurotic angel still popped up on numerous occasions: mostly for how many hours I have spent blogging!) and I didn't stay in an ashram! But I have absolutely loved the whole experience! Lets just say through writing all of this down, I am more able to see my 'emotioanl colour blindness' exactly for what it really is. An absolute pain in the arse and a complete waste of time!;-)
So I guess I might as well put down the hatchet every now and then, give myself a break and learn to start enjoying the flow. Something the best life coach in the world has been telling me for about mmmmmmmmm 4 years...thanks Harvey, (You see I do listen to you.....it just takes a while to sink in sometimes!!!!)
And last thing. During the course of my yoga class this week, very sweet yoga instructor had a mild obsession with my gorgeous topaz ring that I bought in Mount Abu. After my first Yoga lesson last week he called me, asked me what it was, and then informed me that it had very bad energy and that bad things would happen to me if I continuead to wear it.
"Like a dog will bite you". MMMMM....ok! Lucky for me I dont believe in all that hog wash and simply ignored him.
Seeing as the ring seemed to bother him so, I took it off for most of our session, except for yesterday when I forgot....and yes I got another lecture! Trying to explain to him that I really liked it and that it had sentimental value really didn't help either. He then told me "fine you can put it in frame and on wall and look at it ever day, but not wear, bad energy....you must wear pearl. Pearl is good energy!"
On my usual little walk with Hari Baba this morning I decided to ask him what he thought about all this 'bad energy' supposable seeping from my ring!
His answer was this: "Gayl-ee (he has very sweet pronunciation of my name) you need to not listen to what other people tell you. You need to listen to your heart only. Only you can tell if something is good or bad for you! "
Who knows by the end of this holiday I might actually have learnt this lesson!
Love you all
x
ps.....I had to add this....so arrived back in Hardiwar this evening. (I catch the train to Delhi tonight at 12.40!) Walked into a restaurant and there was this lovely, happy, smiley man sitting at the table with two women. We struck up a conversation, only for me to discover that they are all from South Africa. I then found out that lovely, smiley man is actually a REAL life swami all the way from SA...no less!!! WE had a good laugh talking about the experience I had had with swami D...and he said that he had heard so many people say exactly the same thing!! Yeheeee I made the right choice.....It was all rather kind of surreal really.....had a great chat him and then got the biggest, love filled hug I have had in months! A great way to end India I think....
