North vs South

Hello all

I’m so sorry its taken me so long to get back in touch but life in Vietnam has been pretty hectic. I don’t think I have ever been to a country that has stirred up so many conflicting emotions in me. I started my blog over 3 weeks ago when I arrived in Hanoi in the South...and reading some of what I wrote then almost seems alien to me now. Obviously Im leaving it all in here, because its true to how I felt at the time.....but right this minute...I’m looking forwards to leaving the country tomorrow.

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Can I just start by saying.....I absolutely LOVE Vietnam! Lonely planet describes it as one of the most intoxicating destinations on earth and I would have to completely agree!
Out of all the places I have been to, Vietnam is without a doubt my absolute favorite!!

I arrived in Hanoi after a 24 hour bus ride from Vientiane. To sum up the journey; let me to quote some of the inscriptions "scratched" by passed travelers onto the back of the bus.

"Welcome to the bus ride from Hell."
" Vientiane to Hanoi longest 47hours of my life"
"Prepare to be left in the bus for 6 hours without air conditioning"

I had heard before I booked the journey that the bus ride was horrendous...but being the 'seasoned traveler' That we ALL know that I am...I made the mistake of thinking..."Really!! How bad can it be?"

(Never think those words!)

Each person is assigned a bed that basically looks like a narrow dentist chair. Your feet then have to go into a plastic box that is about 1/2 a meter long. The box then narrows down to a height of about 15cm. ....so unless you are a size 3 shoe (Midget you would have been fine) you are unable to put your feet upright while sleeping on your back. Of course if sleeping like a ballerina, in first position, is comfortable for you then you would have loved this bus.


Unfortunately not putting your feet in the box is just not an option as there is simply no where else to put them. Each bed is also not completely horizontal which means that you can't lie flat either!
Lets just say its not a comfortable ride...and yes we did stop for 6 hours without air conditioning. I however was very lucky to have one more emergency sleeping pill on hand which worked like a bomb...so I slept through it all!

All that been said though...the bus was clean and once again nothing brings people together like mutual shared discomfort! I still don’t know which is worse...the comfortable, filthy, noisy buses in India or the clean, bone crushingly uncomfortable buses in Vietnam??

I have to admit I was a bit apprehensive about coming to Vietnam. After the numerous, less than favorable descriptions I have heard about the Vietnamese people, I was a bit dubious as to what I should actually expect. Compared to the Laos people...they always seem to come off second best. Now I have to agree that the Laos people are lovely, gentle and sweet....but on a whole I found them to be a little a bit bland. (especially after India) Yes they are incredibly honest and would never try and trick you out of your money...but they also very seldom interested in any form of conversation with 'Fa lang' (foreigners). I realize that this is due to the fact that so few of them don't actually speak any English and that Laos as a country is a lot poorer than Vietnam but never the less , I still found it all a little insipid. The Vietnamese on the other hand have been described as rude, overly persistent and cheats who are generally just after your money.

No sooner was I off my bus in Vietnam and ordering my first meal did the waitress attempt to over charged me 3 times the price for my meal. With one : "What the hell, are you bloody crazy look from me????" she then literally fell over herself in an absolute fit of giggles. Shouting to all co-workers who also seemed to find it just hilarious and then graciously accepted the correct amount of money from me.
If I were to sum up the Vietnamese people I would say that they are just plain cheeky. And I absolutely love it. My first day in Hanoi....I literally spent the whole day laughing. From the taxi driver who tried to overcharge me and that then wanted me to get a room with him, to the rotten teethed old man who tried to pull me in for a kiss when I shook his hand....what normally would have been a mildly uncomfortable situations always seems to be diffused by their ability to laugh at themselves and you. For a nation that has spent thousands of years fighting off the Japanese’s, French and Americans their vitality and love for life is just amazing!
I would have to say indisputably that the Vietnamese just 'get' my sense of humor! I can be sarcastic, cheeky and over dramatize things to my hearts content and always be guaranteed to get a laugh. (Granted 1/2 of the time they probably don’t know what this white women is going on about...but never the less they pack out laughing anyway. In Vietnam I am the funniest person in the world! What’s not to love!;-)

Hanoi itself if absolutely beautiful. Thanks to the French, every single shop has the street name on it which makes it an absolute joy to walk around. I was very lucky to have arrived in time for the 1 week celebration of Hanoi's 1000 birthday! The entire city was absolutely heaving and buzzing with smiling, happy people. Similar to India I had many people coming up to me wanting to have their photograph taken with me, except here.... they don’t simply stand next to you. They throw their arms around you and cuddle right in.
After I spent a day in Hanoi I took a 3 day boat trip to Halong Bay, which was absolutely beautiful.




For me one of the best things about traveling are the friends you make along the way. It's a given fact that you are continuously making and meeting new friends....but inevitably you will meet some one that you just absolutely 'click' with, that uber, crème de la crème, "BIG Double mac with large fries" travel mate. Within a couple of hours you are best friends and you feel like you have known each other for years. Its these travel mates that make all the frustrations of traveling alone just sooooo worth it! Its these travel mates that you will always remember even if you only spend one day with them.
Over the last week God has been smiling and I was sent 3 such amazing friends.
Laura, Jessica and Micah! (All American....I might add)


Laura and I only really had a couple of hours together because they had put her and her boyfriend on the wrong boat. Needless to say when they tried to remove them later on that evening we did everything within our human possibilities to keep them with us....we begged , we pleaded, we preformed and we offered money (well she did that) ..but inevitably they had to leave and I think we were both mildly heartbroken. Then however I started chatting to Jessica and we pretty much spent the next two days in Halong Bay swimming, canoeing, (Well....sitting in the canoe and talking) sun tanning and more talking..... you would have thought we would have run out of things to talk about but we never did! It never ceases to amaze me how many gorgeous , intelligent single women there are out there! Jessica is definitely one of them!


On the trip back to Hanoi City, where I was preparing myself to have to say good buy to my gorgeous NBF Jessica, I then met Micah.

A 19 year old American that is more mature than most 30 year old men I have ever met. From the moment we met...you guessed it...we didn't stop talking. Its hard to believe a 19 year could have done so many things with his life already. Last year he went to Uganda to help with the child victims suffering under "the Lords Army " run by Joseph Coney. The stories that he told me were pretty gruesome and for the sake of the weak hearted I don't think I am going to repeat them. But have included a blog I found that pretty much summed up what I heard from him.
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=3580397&blogId=239671799

(Just in case anyone is interested!)

Needless to say I found talking to him fascinating!



We had arrived back in Hanoi just in time for the final night of the Celebrations. We had a fantastic evening and I am convinced that Micah was sent to remind me that the kind of man I am looking for "Does exist"!
All I need to do now is to find the 16 year older model.... who isn't already hopelessly in love with his girlfriend!! ;-)

The following day I set off on the night bus for Hue! (Pronounced: Who - ay) I had booked my ticket 3 days before, so imagine my frustration when I arrive at the travel agent only to be told:
"OOOOOOOH sowweeee but sleeping bus full booked. You go sitting bus!" I was livid to say the least, but what can you do? SO sitting bus it was. I watched in dismay as all the other travelers crammed into the very uncomfortable sleeping bus and I got put into the equally uncomfortable sitting bus with all the locals.
2 hours into the journey, our lovely sitting bus broke down and we where left sitting on the side of the road for 3 hours while they tried to fix it!
I have to admit I absolutely marveled at the calmness of everyone.....I could only imagine the anger and moaning had this been a bus in a Western country....but everyone filed out of the bus settled down and waited.
At 1am another bus was sent and we were finally on our way!

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In the last 14 days or so I have pretty much spent my time traveling down from Hue , to Hoi An, Nha Trang and now Ho Chi Min City. Which is where I currently find myself sitting. At the movement It feels like every inch of my body is absolutely seething with frustration! To be fair I have had an amazing 3 weeks.....there has not been a single minute where I have been alone and I have met some absolutely lovely people. I have been to the most amazing water Park ever, did a Vietnamese cooking class and even did some parasailing! (Kinda like parachuting except you are harnessed to a speed boat!) I have no doubt I will look back and remember all the great times I have had....but at this point in time there seems to be a massive shift in how I feel about Vietnam. And this is where I find myself now....confused and not to sure what to make of the country that I declared my undying love for a couple of weeks ago. I think it all started on my trip from Hoi An to Nha Trang. Once again I was on one of the wonderful sleeper buses. I remember lying there listening to this German girl who has lived in Vietnam for 2 years go on and on about how much she hated the Vietnamese people.
I lay there listening to her...wondering why I seemed to have such a completely different perception of them. I distinctly remember thinking how I seemed to be in this little "I love Vietnam " bubble....that was just so the contrary to what most people seemed to think. I decided then and there that it was simply her negative attitude and chose not to listen to her any more.

Later that night while I was sleeping I kept feeling something touching me....I thought it was just the guy who was asleep on the floor next to me bumping into me by accident. At one point I definitely felt fingers on my back trying to pull my blanket off ....I turned around and it was the Vietnamese guy on the top bunk leaning over me. Needless to say there was no way I was going to sleep after that so I spent the next 2 hours just lying there. Him watching me. Me watching him. At one point he leant over and started trying to touch the girl on the top bunk above me, at which point I screamed at him and hit him with my pillow. (GIRL POWER!)
It wasn’t anything to hectic...but I have to admit it was the most uncomfortable I have ever felt traveling...even in India non of the men would ever have dared touch you! I always felt reasonably safe and respected!
Thank goodness the bus arrived in Nha Trang about 20 minutes after that at about 5 am in the morning. I arrived at my hostel exhausted, only to be told by the grumpy guy working there that he only starts work at 6 am so I would just have to wait for an hour. Never in my travelling life has that ever, ever happened......hotels and hostels are usually only to pleased to go out of their way to make you comfortable and welcome you! In frustration and defiance I walked away....declaring I would go somewhere else ......only to return an hour later, hot sweaty and miserable with my tail between my legs because I couldn't find any other hostels in the area!

Nha Trang is the beach / party town of Vietnam and the attention you get here is simply relentless. From the moment you step out of the hostel and onto the street you are followed by taxi men on bikes and women selling sunglasses, books, jewelry...you name it they will probably have it!
Where you go?
Where you from?
What’s your name?
You want sunglasses?
You want massage?

A quite day at the beach? Think again. A peaceful dinner for 2....not on your life....these people actually come into the restaurant to try and sell you their stuff. It absolutely amazes me that they are never, ever sent away.

Now the women sellers I have to admit I actually quite warmed to after a while....they are always smiling and pretty eager to have a chat, even if its spurred on by the hope that you will eventually buy something. (which I did;-)But the men down this end of Vietnam.....mmmm...not to sure about them. They are just so different from the jovial, non threatening men in the North (massive generalizing going on here I know....but bare with me) I supposed the fact that we were walking around in beach wear didn't help much but you just feel letched at all the time. Its the sordid winks, the cat whistles, the way they looked you up and down when they talk to you and the constant harassment for lifts. In Hanoi...they simply sat on their bikes and called to you...in Nha Trang they follow you. I just didn't like it. My last night there I was out with a couple of friends from the hostel. We came out of a club at about 2 am and within seconds we were surrounded by 3 guys on a motor bikes and 4 Vietnamese girls. The girls were simply laughing and trying to hug us....a couple of seconds later after yelling at them to leave us alone...I discovered that my camera was gone and so was my friend Pete's wallet!

Trust me to be mugged by the "hugging" gang!!!

Yesterday I arrived in Ho Chi Min city (Saigon) and ended up spending that day with a very lovely Welsh girl called Nia. In the morning we went to the War Remnants Museum which was absolutely heart breaking. So many shocking photo's of the Vietnamese people killed during the war. There was also a whole section devoted to the victims of Agent Orange (a chemical that the Americans used to kill the dense forest that the Viet Kong where hiding in. ) The birth defects of so many thousands of children as a result of this chemical are just unbelievable. (Vietnames and American)

In the afternoon we set off to buy me a new camera...mmmmmmmmmmm...that in itself was an experience and a half. It seems that in the streets you are continuously bombarded by sellers trying to get you to buy ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.....but no sooner than you walk into many of the shops, are you totally ignored. We would walk in...wait...and then watch as other Vietnamese customers got served before us. They simply did not seem interested in helping us and would often just walk away to the back of the shop. It got to the point were we couldn't help but laugh at how completely insignificant we were to them!

I have to admit Nia was an absolutely angel and spent a good 3 hours walking around patiently with me. While we were with drawing money from an ATM there were about 5 street children at the machine next to us trying to get money out with a card. They gave us the card and wanted us to get money for them. We looked at the card and the name on it was of a Dutch/or may German Doctor so it definitely wasn't theirs. We decided to walk over to a police man and hand the card to him...he spoke to the children and agreed that it wasn’t their card but didn't seem to want to take it. (Clearly he knew better than to anger little Vietnamese kids....we unfortunately were not so knowledgeable.) We made the executive decision to simply take the card and destroy it!!! Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg mistake. We then spent the next 30 minutes been stalked by 4-7 bloody angry little Vietnamese terrorists. (they seemed to gather more friends as they walked) The scariest being a little 6 year old that kept running up to me hitting me. I did my best teacher yell and he seemed to back off for a bit...but they just would not go away. We went into a camera shop only to have them all waiting outside for us yelling and screaming. We eventually walked out but the oldest one cornered Nia and wouldn't let her pass. I literally had to pull the child out of Nia's way. Eventually we decided the only way to get rid of them was to get on a bike taxi. In hind sight I realize that all they are thinking is that we were going to use the card to get the money that they so desperately wanted. They had no concept that the card itself was useless without a pin.

And thus brings me to this morning. There is only one word to describe the traffic in Saigon. Insane. Like most Vietnamese cities the motorbikes rule the road and trying to cross safely is always a bit of a 'life and death situation' That been said most of the bikes do slow down and allow you to weave through them....
This morning as we were crossing the road this guy was coming at us at about 3 times the speed of all the other bikes. I jumped forward in front of him but he went straight into Nia. She had a massive 3 cm cut under her eye and on her leg which were just pouring with blood. It all happened so fast. A couple of people went to help the guy on the bike, who promptly climbed back on and rode away. I helped Nia up only to have the taxi's and cars hooting at us to move off the road. A couple of people came to help from the side of the road but in all honesty I was absolutely appalled at the lack of concern by the other drivers. We then went into a restaurant and they were quite helpful. Nia doesn't have any travel insurance so she was really reluctant to go to hospital....she however wasn't looking at the gaping, bloody, gushing eye that I was, and I managed to persuade her to go. We spent the next 4 hours getting her sorted out. She had to have stitches on her face and leg and has hairline fracture on her wrist. I have to admit it wasn't the best of experiences, especially since the guy who did her leg started stitching before the anesthetic had kicked in, so she could feel everything. She came out almost in tears. I just really hope that they sewed her face up properly....it would be so awful for her to have a massive scar there!! We later discovered that her bag was broken and on talking to a couple of local people it seems that the guy was most probably after her bag.

And this is were I find myself now......I cant help think about how different this whole situation would have been had we been in India. The indifference that we seemed to be treated with today was just quite heart breaking. At one point we walked up 6 flights of stairs at the hospital trying to find someone, anyone to help us.
I cant figure out what I feel for Vietnam anymore. I feel frustrated that I have felt so, so angry and jaded these last couple of days....because this is definitely not who I am.

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Last day in Vietnam today and 40 minutes till Nia and I leave for Cambodia....so I have to finish this blog. I have been thinking a lot today about Vietnam and how hard it is to figure out!
There definitely seems to be a massive difference between the North and the South. I find it quite ironic that the North were the communists in the Vietnam war and the south were the Republicans supported by the Americans. It makes you wonder why we try so hard to bring Western culture to other countries. I clearly loved it in the North.......but at the same time I definitely don’t want to over generalize and completely discredit the South. I have to admit its very easy to allow negative events to taint your perceptions and I do honestly feel like that has been a big part of my frustrations these last couple of days. I left India feeling calm, centred and good about myself as a person.....but I leave Vietnam feeling ever so slightly ashamed that I have allowed myself to be sucked into all the negatism that so many of the foreigners seem to dwell on here! Its so easy to follow the pack! Maybe its been a good reminder of how easy it is to be positive when all is well.....and how much harder we need to work at it the rest of the time!

And that brings me to the end. Nia and I had a fantastic day today crossing the road like two little old women, and following Midgets advice by hiding behind locals.

So all is well and happy and I have a TAN!!

I miss you all and apologize for the severe lack of emailng this month......but rest assured...it was only because I was out having too much fun!;-)

Lots of love
x

I have friends you know!

This morning I picked up an english\loa childrens book called Bangkok Bob!
Its about this little monkey that lives in the jungle who over hears two children talking about how, if you float down the river you will end up in Bangkok. The one little girl said Bangkok was the most exciting place ever, and that she loved visiting there. The other little girl said it was the noisiest, scariest place she had ever been to, and she hated it! And so little Bob decided to build a raft and go find out for himself, because he just had to know!
Well to cut the story short the whole book is about his different experiences and how he veers from loving Bangkok to hating it!! I thought it was quite an appropriate read for me because it pretty much summed up what it feels like to be travelling alone, in your mid-30's.

About a week ago I headed off to Vang Vieng, famously known to back backers as the place to go tubing. Lonely planet describes it as a 'sullied Eden or a hedonistic paradise' that you either love or hate. Renown as the Party Town of Laos....I was positive I WAS GOING TO LOVE IT!

LOVE IT....

The 5 hour bus trip there was the most entertaining bus trip ever...namely due to a 50 something India\American man called Ashok. MMMMMmmmmmm how to describe Ashok......from the moment we got in that minivan, the man did not shut up. The conversation started with him throwing 101 general knowledge questions at us and then progressed to other more sordid details about his life!
Like:
1. A couple of years ago he had an accident and was in a comma. The doctor had to do an operation whereby they replaced a large section of his brain with a piece of a dogs brain. Hence the reason he now howls like a dog most nights...(at which point he proceeded to show us his dog howling skills).
2. He is a pimp and a hustler...on his way to do some 'hustling' in Vang vieang....(not true....later on found out that he was a limo and bus driver!)
3. He continuously told us about his exploits with the 'honeys'...to the point that I had to remind him that he was in a car with ladies and that maybe he could leave out some of the distasteful details.
4. His mum doesn't know he is traveling...and if she finds out where he is she is going to shoot him with a shotgun!
5. He never wants to get married to one honey, and he implore us many, many, many times with his Louis Armstrong voice: "Who in their right mind would EVER want to get married!!! Buy a house have kids...Who on earth would EVER want to do that???????? Hey??? (To which I repeatedly replied: Me!!! Me!!! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!)

There is nothing like being stuck in a confined space with a raving lunatic for 5 hours to make you bond with your fellow travel companions. (A Brother and sister from Minnesota, Carl and Rachel, and a chinses couple! ) We had the best time, talking and laughing, and no journey has ever gone so fast. We however learnt very quickly that Ashok was literally incapable of listening to other people talk. Honestly, he was like a 5 year old! (infact thats being a bit unfair to most 5 year olds) So with the help of the trusty bell on my backpack (see Midget....I knew my bell would come in handy! And you MOCKED the bell!!!!!) we started a timing system whereby Ashok had to be quiet for 5 minutes, to allow someone else time to speak. ( I think the most he managed was 3 minutes) I have to admit my heart warmed to poor Ashok and you very soon realize that he probably did have that motor bike accident and has definitely suffered some form of brain damage! I think we all managed to see past his weirdness and bravado , and have fun with him...but I'm pretty sure not all his travel companions would be as patient or sympathetic as we were.

Of course that been said, when we arrived at Vang Vieng, I am very ashamed to admit that most of us in the bus, scattered with the speed of light, myself and the Americans included! And yes, I felt awful about that, but at the same time, with someone as intense and demanding as that...you just do not want to be staying in the same quest house. (especially if he is going to be howling like a dog ever night!)

So, well bonded with Carl and Rachel, (my new found 'posse';-) we headed off for a hostel called The Spicy Loa. (Basically just a big barn with massive bunks in it!) I sensed that Carl and Rachel would have preferred to go somewhere a bit more up market...but I convinced them it would be a great way to meet people...especially as we were going to go tubing the next day and would need a 'strooooooooooooooooong posse!
Vang Vieng is beautiful, with stunning mountains and gorgeous river veiws! Many of the restaurants play back to back episodes of 'Friends'...its the perfect place to just chill. (assuming you like 'Friends' that is!) After dinner and a couple of drinks we headed back to the Spicy Loa determied to get a good nights sleep, ready for our next days tubing!

Ha Ha Ha!

HATE IT:
Now it so happened that my bunk was situated right next to the 'outside communal area' where all the teen\twenties congregated after coming aback from their night out! From 12 - 2am I lay listening to deep, (NOT) drunken conversation, with an overhead light shining directly in my eyes! Eventually I got up and decided to go and watch a video in the mosquito and smoke filled TV room. At 4am I crawled back into bed, just in time to hear the tail end of another drunken story that ended at 5.30am! Had about an hour and a half's sleep and then the morning shift was up and talking! I spent most of the night lying there cursing at myself, for being old enough to know better! Sleep is way more important than 'posse' hunting!!!

The next morning while discussing with Carl and Rachel what to do, one of the fellow Spicy Loasians commented: "You mean you went to bed without self medicating??? Bad move dude!!"
Um yes clearly. We left right after breakfast.

Realization: I'm not twenty any more, and I like AND need my sleep!!!


LOVE IT:

After I had settled in to my new gorgeous, clean guest house with panoramic views,



I headed off to meet Rachel and Carl. Was minding my own business when all of a sudden I hear Louis Armstrong, um sorry, Ashok bellowing my name. He was having breakfast and insisted that I have some thing to drink with him. I was still feeling quite guilty about deserting him the day before so I thought it was the least I could do. He insisted on buying me a drink and then even wanted to share his sandwich with me....bless, so sweet. I made a comment about him having a good heart to which he promptly replied: "I do not...Im a bad boy!" The conversation then went back to the "Honeys" and all the hustling he was going to do that night! Needless to say it was really hard to actually have a normal conversation with him, and with out the backup of my 'posse';-) I felt a bit uncomfortable. Neurotic Angel was having a field day of course, berating me for not trying 'HARDER' but after about 10 minutes I just had to leave.

Now as fascinating as Laos is as a country, for so MANY, MANY people that come here the tubing is the main attraction. In fact when I was in Thailand last year that was the ONLY reason to come to Laos!

Well to be honest its not so much the tubing that is the huge pull, but the 10 bars situated on the river bank that you visit on route down the river! (For those 'veterans' who aren't too sure what 'tubing' is...you basically get given a tire tube, sign a piece of paper that says you wont hold them liable if you loose an arm, a leg, or die....and then you float down the river!) So basically its a pub crawl on water!( Apparently a foreigner dies ever year, needless to say because the are simply to inebriated!)

Every bar has its own theme, with water slides, swings, zip slides, mud baths, music blaring and load of free Loa Whisky shots! (free booze with teen\twenty somethings....probably not the wisest move) All the Whisky come in bottles filled with, bees, snakes, scorpions... When I heard that, I swore blind I would never drink any of them......but you do! When in Loa.
(not too many of course, wonderful, understanding parents!;-)



Well I had a GREAT day deluding myself that I was 20 something again;-) I absolutely loved all the water swings. The first time I tried one however I kinda had a small problem with actually 'letting go'. I held on sooo long that I ended up getting tangled up in the cord...the entire time screaming: "Carl, I cant let go! I cant let go!" (its dam high you know!;-) Carl has very kindly put the video on you tube (yes I am mildy mortified....so if anyone wants to have a good laugh at my expense http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ns32GgHRHE)

In the evening a group of us went out for dinner and at about 8.30, when all the other 'Teen \twenty somethings' went out Loa clubbing....the 'delusion' finally shattered as I literally dragged my aching bones home.

Realization: I'm not 20 any more!

HATE IT:

The next morning I woke up in the exact same position I had fallen asleep in, and in exactly the same amount of pain, I could barely move my neck or arms!(and the mild hang over didn't help either!)
I stumbled over to Carl and Rachel's place to say goodbye but they had already left! So 'posse-less' and alone I walked around lovely Vang Vieng wondering what I should do with myself for the whole day. I had planned on doing some caving but that was definitely out of the question! The problem with traveling alone is that you get used to being by yourself. Then all of a sudden you meet amazing people, have an incredible couple of days...and then just as quickly; they are gone. Now, what use to be the simple enjoyement of 'ME time" turns into sheer and utter loneliness! The void just seems so much bigger!
None of this was made any better by the fact that Ashok moved in 2 guest houses away from me and kept calling me over, every time I walked past....demanding I sit down. I didn't want to be rude, and I definitely didn't want to hurt his feelings but I just did not have the energy to deal with him or his never ending cigarette smoke!
And so with not much else to do, and still in pain I spent most of the day watching the final series of friends...feeling incredibly miserable for myself! I decided that as much as I had wanted to do the caving...I just could stand another day of trying to avoid Ashok again...and it would probably be best if I just moved on ASAP!

The following morning on my way out to Phonsovan Ashok was sitting in his usual place, outside the quest house! When I told him I was going to see the Plain of Jars (ancient giant stone jars that are believed to have been used for burials) he bellowed: "Why? Whats whats wrong with you man!!! Don't you like any fun stuff like sex???"
My answer was short and sweet...."Goodbye Ashock, it was lovely meeting you!"

Love it!


The Plain of Jars is dated to the Iron Age (500 BCE to 500 CE)and during the bombing of Laos, (in the VIETNAM WAR;-) the Plain of Jars was unfortunately one of the most bombed areas. There are more than 90 different sights within the province of Xieng Khouang. Each site ranges from 1 up to 400 stone jars.



Excavations by archaeologists lead to the discovery of human remains, burial goods and ceramics around the stone jars supporting the general consensus that it was once a burial ground.
Lao local legend however claim that there was once a race of giants who inhabited the area. Their ancient king called Khun Cheung, fought a long, victorious battle against his enemy and then supposedly created the jars to brew and store huge amounts of lao lao rice wine to celebrate his victory.

Mmmmmm....I'm going to go with the burial sight theory!
As of yet only 7 of the sights have been cleared of UXO for tourist visits. The jars were absolutely incredible to see....


We also went to look at cave that was used as medical hospital during the war.....it is literally littered with old medicine vials.....a very sad reminder of what sort of conditions so many Loa people had to live with.


Phonsavan itself is a rather plain, and dusty town....but the evidence of all the left over UXO throughout was fascinating!





Laung Prabaung........HATE IT!!! LOVE IT!!!

I arrived in Laung Prabaung 4 days ago and I have a vague recollection of being pretty, bloody miserable. I was still struggling to meet people and still plain lonely .....as beautiful and gorgeous as this city is its often the most chilled out spots...that you struggle the most in. I did a tour the first day I arrived, with the hope of meeting some people.....and for the entire 4 hour boat ride to Pak Ou Caves....no one said a word! I sat there trying to convince myself to say 'something'.... 'anything'....but sometimes you simply get tired of always initiating conversation...of feeling like you are this desperate lone traveler looking to latch on to anyone who will have them. The tour also included a trip to the Kuangi Si waterfall which was absolutely incredible.






Of course I was surrounded by groups of travelers laughing, swimming and having the best time as I sat there trying to look happy and NOT to look like 'Billy no mates" Frustration then well up in me and I felt like yelling: "I have friends you know....lots of them....they aren't here right now...but they DO EXIST!!!"
Frustration was folowed by 'near teariness' due to the fact that I had NOOOOOOO ONE to take a photo of me ....(Incredibly lame I know, but in the hight of my "whow is me mood"....asking a stranger take a photo of me, was paramount to wearing a T-Shirt that said...."LOOK I have no friends."
Eventually, defiance set in and I snuck off and took a bloody photo of myself! Yes I did! (Dad I think you will be proud)




My mierable mood was then put on hold for the evening...because I had met a couple of Aussie boys the night before and we had agreed to meet up for dinner. ( I washed my hair and everything!!!) After waiting for 30 minutes at our suggested meeting point....I had to concede that maybe I had been stood up!
It was at this point that "Billie no mates" dragged herself home and started this blog! I also managed to have a wonderful chat to Kels on skype.....(my skype angel who alway manages to be there when I need her! She assured me I was loved and yes as I suspected I do have friends!)
I woke up the following morning cried my eyes out for and hour......and then snapped right out of it!

The last 4 days have been amazing! As always, no sooner than you give up on something it magically come you! The day after my "self pity meltdown" I went to another water fall, Tad Sae, which was equally as beautiful as the one before.





Here I bumped into 2 english boys who I had seen at the Kuangi Si water fall the day before. We spent the afternoon together and then agreed to meet for drinks that evening. Laung Prabaung has an extensive night market, from about 5pm -10 pm. Its pretty amazing how these people set set up, and take down, their stalls..every single day! I can't imagine how they make a living though...because there is just so much of everything. Im pretty sure if they sell one or two things a night that would be a lot. On my way out that evening I decided to eat at one of the local food stalls and I ended up meeting a really lovely 42 year old American man, Scott. He joined me and the English boys for a drink and it was a great night filled with 'actual grown up conversation'.

Yesterday I went to place called The Big Brother Mouse. It basically runs book programmes whereby they try and get Loa children reading. For two hours every day "fa lang" (The Loa nickname for all foreigners- because apparently we are tall, have big noses and are white!) are invited to come and read story books to children. Imagine my surprise when I arrive there to discover not children.....but a room full of 16 - 23 year old boys...all wanting to learn English! I ended up speaking to 3 boys, and just my luck one of them was a 23 year old medical student who had his medical textbook with him. He wanted me to help with some of the translations. I did my best but lets just say trying to explain the meaning of words like; symptoms, urine, diagnosis, palmanory, venereal disease and hemorrhoids was definitely not easy, but entertaining as hell! ( to say the least!) I absolutely loved every minute of it! Working with adults is just so different from kids.....it got me thinking that maybe I might do a TEFLA Course (Teaching english as a foreign language) when I get home...and then come back and teach in Loas.

(Only joking mum and dad....Im staying in SA!)

Last night I had dinner with Scott again.....more great conversation and absolutely 'Incredible' food! It was probably the most expensivbe meal I have had in Loas...but soooo worth it!
(No Melissa...I know what you are thinking....nothing romantic!;-)






Laung Prabang is just absoltely stunning, I planned on staying here for 2 days and ended up staying for 5! I absolutely love the gorgeously built guest house\hotels\villa's (Most made with wood) and the stunningly, beautiful streets, I love the picturesque sunsets, and the children playing every where....I love the scenic Mekong river and the monks dressed in bright orange that seem to be every where! But most of all I have loved getting back to 'me' time and remembering that I don't need people around me 24\7 just to be happy.

Realization: Im so glad Im not 20 any more!

Thanks for reading, I love you all!
x

PS Mum if you double click on the pictures you can enlarge them!

Todays history lessons....

Hello from Loas!!

Before I start I would just like to say that all my begging, pleading and massive hint dropping has paid off because Kate and Harvey are engaged!!! Finally!!!!! I'm so happy for you guys, congratulations!!! Although Harvey I don't know why you didn't just do it that last night out we all had together....I mean surely it would have been even more perfect if cupid had of been there as well, sobbing in the back ground? ;-) Just a though....but no doubt I will make up for it at the wedding...I cant wait!

I arrived in Bangkok about 10 days ago.....and ended up staying in the most beautiful hostel in the entire world, just off Khosan Road. Honestly it was like paradise......all the beds were separated by clean, white netting, the sheets were white and spotless, the duvet was white and spotless....my first night in bed was just sooo incredible CLEAN and spotless!!! You get the idea! I remember the first time I came to Bangkok 2 years ago, I thought Bangkok was the dirtiest, smelliest city I had ever been to. This time around.....I absolutely marveled at how clean everything was.....it just goes to show how easily your perspective on things can change, especially when you have been traveling in India!

Well I'm not going to go into too much of the details, (as being sick on this holiday is starting to bore me) but yes after 2 days in Bangkok I was sick again for another week. It started my last day in Bangkok with the most incredible migraine ever and then just turned into what seemed like flu. I was rather reluctant to go to the doctor, as I just felt like my body needed a rest from medication. But after 3 days of not much changing I decided to go to the hospital in Vientiane. The nurse who saw me went through a whole list of symptoms, as I nodded pitifully to each one and she then informed me that she thought I might have dengue fever! DENGUE FEVER! I had to have a blood test and then dragged my little dengued ravished body back to my hostel. On returning back to see the doctor 3 hours later he asked me what the problem was????
It took every inch of self control not to snap: "you have my blood test in front of you...YOU tell me!!!"
(he obviously wasn't as skilled as the nurse had been...at least she could tell I had dengue and was on deaths door! )
And then it turned out that, no, I wasn't going to live to tell the tale of surviving dengue fever, as I just had flu. Flu! He gave me paracetamol and sent me home.

I spent another 2 day in Vientiane and as soon as I felt able to travel I headed off for a place called Si Phan Don or the 4000 islands. (It appeared that 3900 of these islands were simply single trees growing in the river) But never the less it was still very beautiful. I and spent the next 2 days forcing myself to just lie on my hammock and recover! Its hard work doing absolutely nothing you know, the inclination to constantly want to get get up and go do 'something' 'anything!' was overwhelming- but I struggled through it!;-) The place that I stayed in was right on the river and I had my own little cabin. There was a guy that worked there, and I think he was the gardener....I say 'THINK' because in the entire two days that I was there....all I saw him do was pick up a lawn mower for about half an hour each day. The rest of his time was spent lying in the garden hammock sleeping. I don't know how one man could possible sleep so much...but sleep he did. Laos life is needless to say very relaxed and very chilled!

Exactly a week later I finally felt human again and decided to decided to head back to Vientiane. While I was there I visited the COPE centre, a rehabilitation centre who fit UXO (Unexploded Ordnanc) victims with prosthetic limbs. It was absolutely amazing to see the work that they are doing, all free for the victims.

So for those of you that don't already know about the 'Secret War' in Laos, allow me to fill you in! (It was called the 'Secret war' because at the Geneva Convention in 1962, a formal "Declaration on the Neutrality of Laos" was signed....Neither Vietnam nor the US held up their part in this agreement, resulting in a 9 year attack on a country, that the majority of the world knew nothing about!)

Between 1964-1973 Laos was hit by an average of one B52 bomb load every 8 minutes, 24 hours a day. (2 million tons of bombs - at a cost of nearly 7billion dollars) thus making Laos today, the most bombed country on Earth.
US bombers dropped more ordnance in Laos during this period than was dropped on all the other countries combined during WW2. The bombs that were dropped were cluster bombs, that had an average of 680 'bombies' inside each case.....the cases were meant to open mid air depositing all the bombies over an area of about 3 football pitches. Its estimated that 30 % of them failed to detonate, so of the 260 million bombs dropped, that leaves a staggering 80 million still left all over the land. That of course doesn't include the millions of Bombies that were scattered and that never exploded.
So basically what is now left, over 35+ years later, is a country so contaminated with UXO , its mind boggling. Every year over 300 people are killed or maimed by these bombs. (Close to 40% of the accidents result in death, and 33% of the victims are children) So much of the land as a result of this is just completely unfarmable, resulting in Laos being one of the poorest countries in the world. I think the most shocking thing is that most of the bombs were originally destined for Vietnam, but when their airspace proved to be to difficult to enter....the bombs were simply off-loaded onto Laos, (an easy undefended dumping ground) , so that the air crafts could return safely to their bases or carries.
Unfortunately it now happens that in a country so littered with metal- one of the best ways for Laos people to make money is through collecting these UXO. If the pieces aren't sold as scrap metal they are kept in the houses and used for everyday items. (pots, cooking utensils, made into lamps, the large casings used as animal feeds or legs to hold up the houses) As a result of this familiarity in every day life.....children often come across UXO on the land and immediately recognize it from home, thus resulting in so many deaths of children. Of course it doesn't help that the Bombies are small clusters that are brightly colored and look like small balls. Children also know that finding metal can be a very lucrative way to make extra money....so they often go out searching for it.

The sad thing is that even though so many of Laos farmers know the risks, they still continue to farm their land, often finding and moving the bombs themselves. For so many of them the everyday risk of their family starving is worse than the threat of a bomb exploding. I cant imagine what it must be like to grow up in a world where the threat of bombs are a part of your every day life.

And that brings me to the end of my lesson. But I'm sure it will continue at a later date!

I hope you are all well, thanks for all the messages I have been getting from friends and family.....they always seem to come at the right time!!!

Lots of love

x

The best made plans!

Hellooo again!

For some reason when I do my spell check the ENTIRE second half of this epic appears to have no spelling mistakes.....now we all know, with me, that's highly, highly unlikely...more like an impossibility, so sorry in advance.

Well I can't actually believe this, my last day in India. Less than 3 weeks ago I was wondering why people would ever want to come back to this country and now I quite honestly don't want to leave, and will definitely, definitely be coming back! Its taken me 5 days to finish this blog, but I have absolutely loved writing every second of it so its been well worth it.

I arrived in Rishekesh last Thursday and it is truly a breathtakingly, beautiful city. The city is separated into two main parts Lakshman Jhula and Swag Ashram, joined by two walking only bridges across the Ganges. The entire city is surrounded by mountains and as I mentioned earlier; "it is the self styled Yoga Capital of the world, " with masses of ashrams, meditation centres and temples. I have never seen the Ganges flowing as strongly as it does here and as per usual there are loads of Ghats were you can watch people swimming, washing or just "hanging out by the holy river! The streets are small with chanting and music continuously echoing through the town. It is beautiful!

I have to admit....its taken almost 6 weeks but I am almost completely in the swing of things now. I know this feeling well......every summer holiday I have had over the last 5 or so years its happened. Just as I am finally settling into the traveling life style I then need to leave and get back to the real world. I am absolutely delighted that for once, this is not the case.

I completely surprised myself on the way over here by actually deciding 'not' to go to Lakshman Jhula.....the place recommended as a 'travelers' hot spot. I actually think I have gotten used to not being surrounded by travelers all the time and for my last week I simply wanted to be alone. I know for a fact there will be no shortage of travelers in Loas...so might as well make the most of my down time while I can!

One of my all time favorite books is a book by Elizabeth Gilbert called Eat, Pray ,love.
( Its currently out on Film starring Julia Roberts....one of my all time favorite actresses...how cool is that;-) Its a true story written by a woman,in her 30's, who after a messy divorce, decides to go traveling for a year to Italy, India and Bali. (The fact that while she does all this, she happens to meet her soul mate and live happily ever after...has absolutely NO bearing on my Love for this book. ;-)

Anyway so thus came my inspiration for coming to India and staying in an Ashram....I just absoltely loved her writing about her experiences, her struggle to quieten her ever churning mind and especially the self discipline she seemed to gain, from what to many of us in the western world, would seem like tireless and repetitive rituals of meditation.
So yes I came to Rishekesh with one purpose in mind: to finally find an ashram and spend some time, practicing yoga, meditating, eating healthy food and to just immerse myself in the the general spiritual vibe!
(For those of you that don't already know, all religions fascinate me. I could easily spend hours in discussion on the topic and I have read loads of books written by authors of various faiths. I truly believe that too much time is spent focusing on the differences of various religions, without looking at the similarities in most of them. The underlying principles taught by Jesus, the Buddha, Guru Nanak, Lord Krishna were Love, acceptance and tolerance. All things that are sadly lacking from our world today. I strongly believe that when we look for them, we can find truly noble and good elements in all religions and learning about them, enables us to lead richer and fuller lives!)

So Friday I set off Ashram hunting! Unfortunately I have to admit my day was not much of a success. As I have already mentioned most of the Ashrams are simply lodging at the moment with no yoga teachers and no mediation classes. Next month will be the beginning of the tourist season when everything gets back into full swing! I did however manage to find one Ashram that had lodgings, meditation classes and English lectures. The Ashram itself was called Sri Ved Niketan. The Ashram is situated on the bank of the Ganges with a large, all be it run down garden in the middle. Things were looking up! That is until I saw the room. Now I'm not one to complain...:-) BUT lets just say....it was heartrendingly pitiful. The room itself had a basic cemented and mildly dirty shower room, toilet room and another small room that looked like....well...I can only assume it was some sort of gas chamber! ? All of that I could have dealt with ok, but it was the bed that was the absolute killer. No sheets, no pillow cases...just a grimy looking pillow and mattress, that looked like they had never been washed.
In the second that I saw the bed it was like a million voices started chanting in my head and all they said was: "Bed Bugs, Lice, Run!"

So I left and took myself back to my lovely, clean, cheap hotel (with TV) to contemplate my next move.
Now its important at this stage to explain something about myself that a couple of my friends and family will already know. You see....... I'm not perfect! Yes its true...mum and dad I'm sorry to shatter any illusions you might have held onto about having ONE perfect child!;-)

No, you see, I seem to be inflicted with a tragic ailment that one might call "emotional colour blindness"! Let me explain.
In a world of beautiful, varying, colorful, "life choices" I unfortunately only see two colours, black and white. For example: In my head when presented with a decision there will unfortunately always, and only, be two answers to every equation. Right or completely and utterly wrong! So yes instead of going with the flow and seeing where different roads take me....I seem to find myself perpetually sitting at the corner of a cross road worrying and fretting about whether or not this particular decision (no matter how completely and utterly insignificant it may be ) is THE RIGHT one, or the WRONG one! Mind you I have to admit I have managed to hide this flaw pretty dam well over the 30 odd years and I don't think I have allowed it to stop me living my life to the fullest.....but bloody hell its hard work sometimes.;-)
So here in lies the most recent dilemma in a poor emotionally colour blind (ECB) person (namely me) life:
White: I am going to come to India, find an Ashram, experience what it's like and leave India a better, calmer, ultimately more centred person who truly knows herself.

Black: If I don't find an Ashram then I have failed in my mission, have missed the whole point of coming to India and will be a complete failure! Never been able to say: "Oh yes I stayed in an Ashram in India!" The sheer horror!!

See black and white!!

and thus is where my contemplation began.....
I desperately wanted to stay in an Ashram, but I also desperately didn't want to stay in that particular one! After being so sick so many times in India, I have begun to absolutely relish my health and the fear of catching something was nauseatingly over whelming, and yet so was the fear of not at least having the guts to try!
(I'm mean surely that's what ashrams are like.....other people manage and survive, don't they? )

(Now I know some of you are wondering how on earth I have managed to survive my life, up to the ripe old age of 34 (uuuhhmmm) with this handicap. But rest assure there are indeed many techniques one can master to over come such afflictions. (Just for the record: As a qualified life coach, who is paid to support people make difficult decisions in their lives, I am by no means advocating these as viable methods for self improvement- but here they are never the less....
First and foremost one must constantly surround ones self with wise and clever friends. The more friends you have the better it works, as the the net is spread wide preventing friends from figuring out your cunning plan. (although that said, the wisest ones ussually do;-)

Now when life throws you a dilemma that you simply couldn't possibly solve all by yourself....you simply pick up the phone and find out what your intelligent friends think. All you need to do is phone 3 people and then you go with the majority ....problem solved!:-) Now if by some small chance your friends don't actually agree with you (because essentially , lets face it, we all know whats best for ourselves) , you disregard their opinion and phone more friends (ones that you are pretty sure will agree with you) until you get the favorable majority. And thus many of life problems can be solved without actually having to make up your own mind EVER! Its Pure Gayle Genius-ism at its best!

The problem of course, arises when you are thousands of miles away with no phone and no friends to do your thinking for you!

What to do? What to do?
After a restless night of deep thinking I eventually decided that I would simply give the meditation and yoga classes at the ashram a go and see what I thought!

If they were good....then that would be my 'sign' from God that I should go there, if they were bad then that would also be my sign from God. (Yes sadly another side affect of ECB would be...manic sign scrutinization and interpretation. When one can't make up ones own mind, one simply looks for the signs from God - so essentially he will make the decision for you!! Needless to say this technique is fraught with difficulties as you will no doubt soon discover.

So bright and early sat morning I set off for my first Meditation class. The yoga teacher there was a middle aged man called Hari Baba who I absolutely LOVED!
His class was brilliant, easy to understand and the best part was his face. I don't ever think I have ever seen a person shining with so much joy, happiness and love for everyone all the time. AS far as I'm concerned, again this is personal opinion and not aimed at insulting any incessantly grumpy people out there....the best way to show Gods love is through your actions, how you live your life, how you treat people and what shines through your face! God = happiness!

Sign 1: Loved meditation therefore I should move into Ashram!:-)

Next was the Yoga class: Mmmmmmmmmm.....(Lets just say it suddenly dawn on me why people always say : You should find the yoga style that suits you! ) It was the longest, most painfully boring 2 hours of my life. I hated ever second if it- Yes I did. It felt like he held every moved for hours and every inch of my unfit body was crying!

I couldn't help but compare it to the class that I had taken the night before at my lovely clean, Raj Palace Hotel (with TV). I had walked out of the class sweating and aching but had enjoyed it tremendously.

Sign 2: Hated yoga class so shouldn't go stay in Ashram? ;-(

After the class a really sweet old man called Agrwal, (I had met the day before)asked me if I wanted to come for some tea in his room. I had been speaking to a Dutch girl earlier so I dragged her with me. Needless to say old man was suitably over whelmed to have two young ladies in his room and not just one...and proceeded to then hug both of us for a considerably long time. Hug was then followed by; the taking of the face and planting two big slow kisses on either side of our lips. Reassured myself that this was spiritual man in Ashram...that he was harmless and that this was just how things were done. Bless he hardly spoke any English...and most of his conversation consisted of him telling us, over and over again how happy he was that we where having tea with him. He was genuinely very sweet, so it didn't really bother me that, while he was talking, he sat with his hand right on the top of my thigh...about 2cm away from bikini area to be exact. In fairness it was placed there so naturally, while he listen earnestly to what we were saying, that I didn't give it much thought!
I came away thinking he was a lovely,charming little man...who is no doubt completely harmless but maybe just a little too touchy feely for my comfort!

I then set off to go to a lecture given by ....lets call him Swami D ( Seeing as I am now border lining on Gossiping I have chosen to leave out names in my blog , so as to deter before mentioned 'bad karma')

I was a bit late when I walked in and Swami D seemed mildly uninterested in my existence, as all the other students had apparently been coming to the class for the whole week. I listened with my resistance up for about an hour at which point the swami went totally off the topic of his lecture and I was mesmerized. Here was a man who truly knew loads of things about everything, he had little stories, antidotes from various different faiths and his English was excellent. I truly felt this was someone I could have 'deep and meaningful' conversations with and I was incredibly excited!

Sign 3 : A good swami with loads to learn from - This is what I should be looking for. I should DEFINITELY come to this ashram!!

After his 3 hour lecture...I went up to him to thank him and ask him where I could leave my donation.

His sullen answer was: You come on Monday, I will see how dedicated you are, and then we will talk about how much you will donate! I was also told NOT to give anyone else the money as it needed to come directly to him....not the ashram.

" UM what? " Since when is a donation up for discussion?

do·na·tion

1 : the making of an esp. charitable gift

and ....ummmm since when is it up to a 'man of God' to decide how dedicated I was?

A little confused by his comment I went to speak to some of the other students, to gain some clarification as to how much exactly this 'donation' would cost.
I was told that he had said the amount should simply be 'respectful'.
And what pray tell, would a respectful amount be to a holy man of God? Apparently the minimum for the lectures and his morning meditation class for a whole week would be RS1000, but, money wasn't an issue for him and I should go and speak to him about what I could afford. They also added that they gave him a lot more than a RS1000 anyway because he was ....that great.....

Mmmmm interesting....
I walked away doing the maths...In the big scheme of things RS 1000 (about 15 pounds) for the entire week was nothing....Hell you would never get all of that in London.......How could I fault someone for simply trying to make a living? BUT this is not London, and I couldn't get past the fact that here was a man of God (sorry a Swami; definition = "swami is a monk, one who has set aside all of the limited, worldly pursuits, so as to devote full time effort to the direct experience of the highest spiritual realization, and to the service of others along those lines.) asking for money for his services.)
So many people, on the way up here, have warned me that a lot of the ashrams in Rishekesh are run like businesses simply to make money. I also worked out that if this man had, mmmmmmm say only 5 students a week....(there were 8 in the class)...and they all paid the minimum RS1000 then he was averaging RS20 000 a month when the average salary in India is RS 10 000 - RS15 000 a month.

And so I went to lunch with a whole NEW decision to make, (even before I could make the original one!) To trust or not to trust Good old Swami D? Or more notably:
Is it wrong to gain 'pure' knowledge from someone who you ethically don't agree with? Does the end, justify the means?

It was at lunch that I saw a very sweet German girl who had been in his lecture and I sat down to speak to her. She had known Swami D for 6 years...this was her 3rd time back to Rishikesh and, yes he was good man that could be trusted. She also filled me in on all the gossip of the Ashram, that goes like this:

Apparently the original owner of the Ashram was a man called Vishwa Guru. When he died a couple of years ago he had left the entire Ashram to Swami D, who has been working at this Ashram for over 25 years now. It was soon after Vishwa Guru's death however, that his long lost Grandson turned up to staked his claim on the Ashram. Not really a man with much interest in God he now runs the ashram simply as a means to make money. And this is how we find it today, two groups of people at war over who actually owns it and how it should be run! Hence the reason for Swami collecting his own money. When she explained it all this way it made a little more sense....and she reiterated that if I couldn't afford the payment then I should just talk to him and he would be fine with that. She said he always took time to warm to people but that he was an incredible man to speak to with loads of knowledge.

Sign3: What are the odds that German girl was in the SAME restaurant as me...it was definitely a sign.....German girl said I could trust him....so there we go I could trust him!!!

So I left lunch, mildly elated that 2/3 of the signs said I should go and stay in the Ashram on Monday!

Of course while all the signs wee pointing towards Ashram stay needless to say I was still dreading the move into my new room.

That night I went to go and try and find Van Prastha Ashram where mildly over-feely spiritual man had told me Hari Baba would be doing his evening meditation class. Argwal had told me to come back to his room at 5 so that he could walk me there.....but needless to say I made an 'actual rational decision' that I did not like enjoy being touched in said manner, spiritual man or not, so would attempt to find the meditation course myself!

It was absolutely bucketing down with rain ......(but finally I had bought an umbrella!) I found the the large Ashram...one that unfriendly security guard had very rudely denied me entrance into the that morning. ( I later discovered that its a 'non-white ashram'....I think we have a word for that sort of intolerance don't we?;-) (ps I have since taken much joy this week in smiling sweetly at above mentioned security guard when leaving and entering)

And after much wondering around I eventually found the class but it wasn't actually a meditation class it was more like a Hindu praise and worship. Its really a funny thing, but growing up in a Christian country, like SA, I just some how assumed that praise and worship was just something "Christians" did....during my time in India I have come across numerous gatherings where Hindu people will sing, dance, clap....in exactly the same way.

Anyway there he was sitting in the front of the class, face beaming with love, singing away, while leading with loads of little hand actions. It was just so cute to watch. He would sing a line and then the group would follow. After a while I started joining in.....making up words left, right and centre as I went along. (see Kelly my bad lipsynching has finally paid off)

After the group ended I was told that they also met the next morning at 6.15am

Sunday morning my second last night in lovely, clean raj Palace hotel room (with TV) I woke up only to find the biggest cockroach ever, plus 5 little baby ones all congregating in my coffee cup on the floor. Now to you...this might be a mere triviality.....but to me.....it was A sign!!!! A warning maybe? If such vile things were in lovely, clean Raj Hotel Palace hotel room (with TV) then what the hell would be lurking, waiting for me in my horribly, unclean ashram.....?

Definitely gave me something to think about....Everything happens for a reason you know!!!!:-)

So where was I ? Oh yeh...6.00am I managed to drag myself out of bed (flush the horrible little creatures down the toilet) and joined in what was actually a meditation class in Hindi. (also thoroughly enjoyed) After the class ended Hari Baba and I walked to his next Meditation class at the Sri Ved Niketan Ashram where I had first met him. I did that class as well and at 9am....we left the ashram together. He was walking home...I had no where else to go, and somehow ended up simply following the poor man all the way back to his house.....if he found it strange that tall, white girl was just tagging along, (looking around randomly at various things while he chatted to people)...he never showed it.

Once we reached his house he offered me something to drink and thinking that he would make Chai tea, as most people did I said yes. He then proceeded to take three classes, and make three drinks using spices, powders and water! I was horrified to realise that I would now have to drink plain tap water. RULE NO 1 for foreigner when travelling India : Don't drink tap water! But what could I say...he had already started making them and he was very excited for me to try them and tell him which was the best. So when he finished mixing them I said a prayer and gave them all a taste.
Glass 1 tasted like curried water.
Glass two tasted like mildly different curried water.
Glass 2 tasted like: Slightly stronger curried water.
It was at this point that I had to apologize and tell him I didn't like any of them.
He then said eagerly : "Wait we mix them all together and then you try."
(uuhm....ok, I had serious doubts that mixing 3 classes of curried water together would taste like anything else, other than curried water.....but I tried it non the less)

Apologizing again for rejecting his drink, he didn't seem to fussed and said he would drink it later! We then started chatting about how hard it is to find the right meditation and classes in Rishekesh (yes I initiated that conversation...I needed guidance dammit!) and his comment was simple:
"There are many men here that want to take money from you , just because you are white. You must be very careful. Remember that no true Swammi will ever ask you for money. Any one that asks you for money you must be very careful of."
ME: So you dont take money for your classes..?
Hari Baba: Never. I have no need for money
ME: But if you dont take any money how do you survive.
Hari Baba: God provideds for me always. Everything I need to live comes to me. ( I later discovered that he does get a small pension from his Ashram.....but that would probably just cover his food)
We also spoke about my frustration at never knowing when or who to give too in India, and again he said..."There are a lot of people that need help in India....never give money to people that ask you. You will know when it is right to give by simply trusting your heart. If it feels right you will give, if it doesn't then dont."
It was at this point that I told him about lost Goa boy in Hardiwar as my evidence of when giving feels good...only to have Hari Baba shake his head and start laughing.
"There are many people that do that scam, they simply have 'glistening' (not sure what he meant by that) to make tears. You were scammed!"
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!!

He however found it incredibly funny, so Im glad he got some enjoyment out of it!;-)
Later that evening when I came to his chanting class he was still having a good laugh and seemed to enjoy telling all his friends and teasing me about it!

My final and last sign......Hari Baba reflected back exactly what I was thinking and I couldn't in good conscience go to a class of someone whose main interest was money.....ethics didn't matter if he was teaching 'history' 'maths' or any other subject, but it mattered with religion.

Was ever so proud of myself for making serious bonafide decision ALL by myself ....lol except of course for all my signs:-)

So no class, meant no ashram either! ( Thank you God)

But just because I wasn't staying in an ashram didn't mean I wasn't a serious 'spiritual' student ...so I devised a plan for the whole week and this is how it went:

Firstly I would book out of my lovely, clean Raj Hotel Palace room (with TV)and move into the also clean, but smaller and much cheaper, TV-less room downstairs, because as we have all already learnt: TV rots your soul!;-)

Then for the next week I would do the following:

6.15am Hindu meditation at Van Prastha Ashram
7.30am English meditation at Sri Ved Niketan Ashram
8.30am Run back to hotel for Yoga class
4.00am - 5.30 Would attend meditation course the Hari Baba was running at his Ashram
5.30am Attend Hindo chanting at banrif Ashram also with Hari Baba.

I had a plan, I felt motivated....all my thinking and worrying had paid of.

So Sunday night I settled down to watch disgustingly, girlish Chick flick that I had been looking forward to for the last 3 days. My reward for coming up with my plan! I was well stoked! (that means happy...for some of the oldies reading this:-)
20 minutes before the movie ended all the electricity cut off (happens alot here)
Spent the next 20 minutes pleading with God to PLEASE turn the electricy back on because this was my reward and he was ruining it! Needless to say he didn't listen...so eventually went to bed to get a good nights sleep....because I had a plan!!!

3.30am I wake up with what can only be described as tiny little pieces of glass in my eye...stumbled out of bed, switched on light and there staring back at me is big, red, gungy eye. Groaned "Whhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyy?", and got back into bed. When the alarm clock went at 5.45..there was just no way in hell I was going to wake up then. The doctors wouldn't be open till about 9am which meant 3 hours of unecessary pain. So my lovely, strategically planned plan, unfortunately had to be put on hold!

At about 8.30 I head off to the Shivananda Ashram where they have a medical centre. ( this is also one of the most popular Ashrams in the Rishekesh hence you need to book 3 months in advance) Anyway, lets just say I have new found respect for our medical systems.....there was a massive long queue of people with all sorts of ailments having to simply just stand and wait. I stood for about 10 minutes in the line and it did not move an inche. I then pretty much got ushed through to the front of the queue due to the fact that Im a foreigner. (Neurotic angel was a having a field day telling me how I should wait like the rest of them, I however chose to ignore her as I was in pain and just wanted to go home) In India they have an old Hindu proverb which basically means: "The guest is God" ...hence the reason they are all so keen to always help foreigners.
So I got drops and ointment and discovered that "eye- flu" is fairly common during monsoon time" While I was there I got the time table for the Ashrams daily activities, including a lecture in the evening which were all free!!!! So was very happy to have found a replacement lecture in 'Legit' Ashram and added it to my plan.

Couldn't really do much that day, other than go to the afternoon mediation and singing...so worked on my blog. Tomorrow my eye would be better and the plan would commense.
Tuesday morning I woke up with my alarm at 5.45..... with TWO eyes COMPLETELY swollen and glued together with OOSY GUNK. I looked like Fiona from Shrek, and although my brother Bruce seemed to think this would make a funny picture- believe me it wasn't!!!

Turned of the alarm and went back to bed.

I spent pretty much most of the day with my sunglasses on. I managed to go to the morning meditation at 7.30...and as Hari Baba and I left the ashram on our little walk home, he saw me paying for his class. He was very upset and said that I shouldn't be paying! His class was free. I tried to explain that the Ashram had told me when I first asked on Monday that I had to pay! But no, he was not happy. He re-iterated the fact that he HAD told me no one pays for his classes! Trying to make him understand that I was only doing what I was told to do didn't work either, so yes, I felt like a mildly chastised child! But, never the less it made me smile, even "holy men" can have their buttons pushed!

That evening I decided to go and give the lecture at the Shivananda Ashram a try.
I had just walked into the massive hall when who should I bump in to but a foreigner....a gorgeous one at the that. ( Mental Prayer: God why do you always send the good looking ones after, or during illness?)
It was raining again so I couldn't hide under the disguise of my sunglasses any more....so I stood chatting to Geoff from Chicargo, (who was 'actually' staying in Ashram) the whole time desperately praying that Icky-Gungy puss was no longer seeping out of my eyes, as had been doing the whole day. I lasted about 4 minutes into the conversation and then just had to put sunglases on. ( because clearly sitting in the dark, in the rain with sunglasses on was less embarrassing than huge,puffy infected eyes) Was suitably gutted when lecture started and I realised that women and men had to sit separately in the temple. Dam! But never the less was in REAL ashram, with real 'Ashram' people so would get over the disappointment.

The 2 hour lecture that I was really looking forward to started with some chanting done by monks....which lasted 45 minutes. Now dont get me wrong, I LOVE chanting....but what I really couln't get used to was the really, really hard floor. (In Hari baba's little room he has lovely pillows everywhere! How I wished I had a pillow!) MY bum ached. The entire 45 mintues I kept trying to get comfortable, all the time reminding myself to: "PULL it together Gayle...You are in a REAL ashram now, with REAL'Ashram' people...Bite through the pain!!!!"
BY the time the 45 minutes was up my back was also killing me and I was seriously considering just doing a runner.( After all didn't Hari Baba say if you did something you should do it with an open heart???) My heart at that moment was directly linked to my arse and my back that were both in pain and miserable. But if I did a runner.....what about cute man Geoff? I wouldn't get to chat to him afterwards....(Angel: "Gayle that is soooooooooooo not the reason you are here, focus dammit!")I had just about given up fighting with myself and had decided to leave as soon as the introduction speech for the lecturer had ended.

The introduction speach went like this:
"Welcome to our beautiful Ashram, all are most greatly welcome here. May the undesirables remove themselves or be removed by the ashram....."

You have got to be kidding me God!!!! How the hell could I leave after that statement?! ( let it never be said that God doesn't have a sense of humour!)
And so I sat for another hour listening to a lecture that I could barely understand, the whole time wondering why on earth all the Monks got to sit on lovely soft mattresses and I didn't even warrant a meager cushion??? Intermittently,of course, peering around the room wondering where cute man Geoff was sitting.

Now it was during this painful, painful hour that I eventually began to see the hilarity of this whole BLOODY situation.

Here I was doing exactly what I had wanted, in real 'BONIFIED' ashram, with calm, centred people (who knew all the words to the chants!) and....AND.... I was completely miserable! And on top of that I was still sitting there, simply because I didn't want to look like an "undesirable"
Heaven forbid this 'WHOLE' room of strangers, who I will probably never see again think that I am an undesirable!
Dont get me wrong, as much as I hated it, I still believe that the whole 'Ashram experience' can be incredibly powerful, but lets face it, it takes time to learn self discipline and patience ... Elizabeth Gilbert spent 4 months in an Ashram....thats 120 days (and for over a month of that time, she herself hated it) AND yet I had hope to achieve, all she had done in ONE week? Did I really think one week would be enough to banish the many voices that recide inside my head ( For the record: In Life Coaching we call these voices 'Gremlins', and we all have them in some form or another...some of us are just more skilled at ignoring the buggers! ;-)

I had spent so much time worrying and planning my ashram week, and in 7 days I was going to achieve what exactly? Develop self discipline! Attain inner peace! Ooze calmness, Conquer 35 years of bad eating habits, build a stronger (and significantly more waif like) body AAAAAAANNNNNDDDDDDDD dont forget find God?

and where exactly was I going to find him....?

It's funny....last night I opened my book Autobiography of a Yogi (by Paramhansa Yogananda) that I haven't touched for weeks. I was exactly on the place where he finally gets to the Himalayas.....somewhere he has always wanted to go to....ever since he was child. Half of the book he has spent talking about his deep desire to go to the Himalayas to achieve: "continuous divine communion with God"
It was here after a horrendously hard and tireless journey that he eventually came face to face with another great yogi known as the 'sleepless saint'

After much discussion on why he had actually come there the Sleepless Saint ends up asking Paramhansa
"At home, are you able to have little room where you can close the door and be alone?
"Yes" Paramhansa answered
"Well That is your cave, that is your sacred mountain. That is were you will find the kingdom of God!"

Wise words I think! I have already started the journey of a life with God and it didn't start a month ago when I came to India.

So thus brings me to almost the end of my week in Rishekesh, and my 6 weeks in India. No I didn't stick to all my plans, (neurotic angel still popped up on numerous occasions: mostly for how many hours I have spent blogging!) and I didn't stay in an ashram! But I have absolutely loved the whole experience! Lets just say through writing all of this down, I am more able to see my 'emotioanl colour blindness' exactly for what it really is. An absolute pain in the arse and a complete waste of time!;-)

So I guess I might as well put down the hatchet every now and then, give myself a break and learn to start enjoying the flow. Something the best life coach in the world has been telling me for about mmmmmmmmm 4 years...thanks Harvey, (You see I do listen to you.....it just takes a while to sink in sometimes!!!!)

And last thing. During the course of my yoga class this week, very sweet yoga instructor had a mild obsession with my gorgeous topaz ring that I bought in Mount Abu. After my first Yoga lesson last week he called me, asked me what it was, and then informed me that it had very bad energy and that bad things would happen to me if I continuead to wear it.
"Like a dog will bite you". MMMMM....ok! Lucky for me I dont believe in all that hog wash and simply ignored him.
Seeing as the ring seemed to bother him so, I took it off for most of our session, except for yesterday when I forgot....and yes I got another lecture! Trying to explain to him that I really liked it and that it had sentimental value really didn't help either. He then told me "fine you can put it in frame and on wall and look at it ever day, but not wear, bad energy....you must wear pearl. Pearl is good energy!"

On my usual little walk with Hari Baba this morning I decided to ask him what he thought about all this 'bad energy' supposable seeping from my ring!
His answer was this: "Gayl-ee (he has very sweet pronunciation of my name) you need to not listen to what other people tell you. You need to listen to your heart only. Only you can tell if something is good or bad for you! "

Who knows by the end of this holiday I might actually have learnt this lesson!

Love you all

x

ps.....I had to add this....so arrived back in Hardiwar this evening. (I catch the train to Delhi tonight at 12.40!) Walked into a restaurant and there was this lovely, happy, smiley man sitting at the table with two women. We struck up a conversation, only for me to discover that they are all from South Africa. I then found out that lovely, smiley man is actually a REAL life swami all the way from SA...no less!!! WE had a good laugh talking about the experience I had had with swami D...and he said that he had heard so many people say exactly the same thing!! Yeheeee I made the right choice.....It was all rather kind of surreal really.....had a great chat him and then got the biggest, love filled hug I have had in months! A great way to end India I think....